I agree that there are a lot of people out there who have tried some form of open relationship who find that it doesn't work for them. It's been my obviously biased observation that many of these people blame a lot of problems that happen in open relationships on the fact that it's open rather than on their own destructive patterns, but I'm willing to concede that there are people who really *did* give it the old college try and still found it didn't work for them. What I'm *not* willing to concede is the idea that monogamy itself was the source of their happiness. Of course, we still don't have an operating definition for either monogamy or happiness this early in the discussion yet. :) I think the root feeling that I'm working from and trying to explore is that people who really manage to make their long-term romantic relationships succeed aren't succeeding because they've chosen to exclude other sexual partners from their relationships. I'm also trying for a democratic theory of relationships, a theory that, however broad and incomplete, could *potentially* work for everyone. In my view, if there are only a few people whos' monogamous relationships just "magically work", the only people getting anything positive out of it are the people in the relationship itself (and bully for them!). By succeeding in a way others can't duplicate, they are actually setting a *bad* example in the same way that not everyone can look like a supermodel or Brad Pitt. Having an ideal that's only truly attainable by a few is really poisonous, because it gives people the illusion that if they just find the right person, or work hard enough, or do whatever, that they could have it, too. I think a huge portion of people's current relationship misery is caused precisely by pursuing that kind of un-attainable ideal.

None of which says that monogamy is inherently a bad choice for anyone.

I'd long suspected that chickens are so cool that they must be part of anything important, and the experience of owning them has only deepened that neurosis. :)