It's good that at least you know what you need to work on. So, it sounds like you want to deal with your 'Mom' issues so you can have deeper connections with others. You feel you've made progress, but not enough and you don't feel you can talk to your Mom about it and you can't talk to her about other stuff and....yeah...stressful, huh?

I know your mom and I know she loves you very much and only wants you to be happy. No, she'd doesn't approve of some things, but that's because she doesn't think that stuff is in your best interest (right or wrong). Yes, she did a number on you after your dad left. Just remember, she did the best she could. She didn't set out to hurt you. I know that doesn't help a whole bunch, but maybe a little?

The grief stuff sounds like a good thing to look into. Since you didn't have the traditional Parent/Child relationship, that leaves a void. And like death, it something you may have to mourn. After you mourn that loss, you can then create a new adult child/parent relationship. I've seen people who suffered way worse than you that were able to re-establish a connection with a parent.

Hang in there, Mister. You're on the right track.