Prejudice

[errantember]

I was floating my mind over my general feelings about monogamy, and I finally arrived at a short opinion that I feel is correct.


No one has ever achieved happiness *because* of monogamy.

No couple has ever achieved happiness *because* of monogamy.

Discuss.



NOTE: This is basically a thought experiment rather than a perceived basic truth. My goal in defending the statement, if I have one, is to define the shape and limits of this idea in my mind, discover how well it meshes or conflicts with other ideas, and learn something about the assumptions we all make about relationships. I'm definitely *not* proposing that one relationships style is necessary better or more appropriate for everyone. More power to anyone who finds a style of loving relationship that makes them happy and successful, including those who identify it as monogamy.

SECOND NOTE: Did they change the editor? It took me like 10 minutes to figure out how to get an lj-cut to work, when in the past it has always just worked. The editor was trying to escape it out for some reason, and that seems like a change.

Comments

[kiki39.livejournal.com]

I'd say that totally depends on one's needs and how monogamy is defined. I know for a fact, for instance, that there are people who have achieved happiness in part through celibacy. I'd suspect, however, that choice of intimate relationship styles is peripheral or conjunct to a larger spiritual calling that certainly includes the relationship to one's self.

I think about this stuff alot, actually, and hope for bliss one day. :)

disagreement

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

My ex's new GF is very very pleased that she forced him into monogamy with her. She feels like she's won a big prize, outsmarted a big enemy, and has everything she wants.

Monogamy has made her very happy...but of course, it's not really monogamy, it's getting her way that is the happy point.

[adam rice (from livejournal.com)]

I suspect it wouldn't be hard to find a case that disproves your assertion, if there's someone out there who tried polyamory for a while, discovered he/she didn't like it, and then discovered that monogamy worked better for him/her.

I know at least one person who never identified as a poly per se but was in an open relationship for a long time. Now she is in a monogamous relationship. I assume it is because it works better for her.

Also: chickens?

[rkentspeth.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I'll do justice to my thoughts in this reply but here goes...

I think no group of people (couple, triad, etc.) is happy because of the form of their relationship. Forms themselves do not bring happiness, IMO.

I believe happiness comes from being with the right person/people and having the *appropriate* form for those people. If the form for certain people is monogamy, then they are in the appropriate form and that form reflects a harmony within the couple. Did the form itself cause their happiness? I don't believe so. I believe that each person is with a partner that suits him/her and are happy for that reason; the form merely expresses an internal truth for them.

So, I would say that no couple has ever achieved happiness because of monogamy, yes, but I would also say that no couple/group/etc. has ever achieved happiness because of being poly.