The Department of Wormland Security

[errantember]

It was pointed out to me recently that the fact that my paper shredder, of the old strip type, could lead to a security breach because it doesn't cut paper into as many pieces as a crosscut shredder. While, in a vacuum, this assumption seems completely correct, there's something missing from the picture. Something hidden. Something powerful. Something, at least in the area of paper processing, superhuman. I'm talking, of course, of the Department of Wormland Security.



Headquartered 'neath my kitchen sink, in an appropriately black, bureaucratic, and odorlessly festering file cabinet, are worms. Lots of worms. Worms that work tirelessly for me 24 hours a day. These worms eat my kitchen scraps. The create worm castings, a fabulous organic fertilizer. And finally, just when you thought it couldn't get any better, they diligently complete the second and final phase of my Identity Theft Protection Program by transforming very-hard-to-assemble strips of sensitive documents into 100% unrecoverable, undecipherable, irreversible worm shit, thereby putting the shaft to any parties intent on stealing my identity. They do all this entirely for free.

The worms, which use the heavily watered paper as their primary bedding, are able to keep up entirely with my shredded mail. If you'd like to get your own branch of the Department of Wormland Security, you can learn more about vermicomposting here.

The bin doesn't smell, and there are no pest problems as long as you are diligent about covering your latest additions with wet paper. The only hard part is getting out the castings, but this device provides and intriguing solution to that problem, and once I have long-term roomates, I think I'm going to buy one.

Comments

[worldmegan.livejournal.com]

Is this TRUE??

Can I see???

[gailmom.livejournal.com]

I have no Department of Wormland Security. I do, however, have the Chicken Bureaucracy. They take my shredded paper, and that of any other local persons who participate, and lay eggs in it. When they have finished pooing on it while waiting for their turn in the preferred egg laying corner, they then scratch it about the pen until such time as it has become compost. This then goes into my garden where I grow food out of it.

Anyone who can read the private information in the tea leaves or tomato seeds deserves to use what they find. :P