An Experiment

[errantember]

Today I'm going to stay out of other people's heads. Until I go to bed, as soon as I catch myself imagining what someone else is thinking, I will stop.

Comments

[rkentspeth.livejournal.com]

I read an interesting definition of love recently. That love is when you've moved to caring more about the person than you care about what s/he is thinking of you.

[errantember.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's very interesting. Gonna let that one sink in a while.

Another one I found very deep, that I can attribute the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, is that maturity is defined as the balance of courage and courtesy. Like your quote above, it initially feels slightly off, but the more you sit with it, the bigger it seems to get.

I'm finding my general micro-panic level to be greatly decreased by staying out of other people's heads today. Might want to make that one a habit, too.

[lorelein.livejournal.com]

Why?

[errantember.livejournal.com]

I spend a lot of time and emotional bandwidth running simulations of what I think other people are thinking. It leads to tiredness and self consciousness and distraction. It also rewards people who *expect* one to always try to guess what they're thinking. Not doing it forces them to actually *ask* for the things they want, and communicate clearly.

[errantember.livejournal.com]

After letting that sit for a while, one angle I'm seeing is the Power of Now-style differentiation between one's thoughts and oneself. A person's thought's aren't themselves. Caring mainly about their thoughts is objectifying in the same way that caring about any other abstract aspect of a person, like their appearance or their contribution to one's life or their financial status. Caring about the whole person is a much bigger thing.

[adam rice (from livejournal.com)]

You'll never guess what I think of this experiment.

[errantember.livejournal.com]

At least not today.

[jslorentz.livejournal.com]

I like this last point. I don't mind being adaptive and having adaptive people in my life, but often if no one speaks up, that adaptation becomes expectation and communication never improves.

[errantember.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It definitely the expectation that's the problem.

Day two is going at least as well as day one.