I second the bleh.

[errantember]

I realized I was dealing with some pretty poignant negative feelings in the past few minutes, and when I sat down to do some stream-of-consciousness writing about it, I realized I actually *do* have quite a bit on my plate right now. I'm feeling pretty lonely and sad, and a lot of is connected to stuff that's been with me for a long time. I don't think that any of it will end up being a long-term problem emotionally, at least not any worse than before, and likely, in the long term, better.

That doesn't change the fact that I feel that way now.

The additional fact that my Mom, asleep not 10 feet away, might potentially be a source of comfort throws things into sharp relief. The idea that she might be a source of comfort is something that only occurred to me on an abstract, intellectual level, like someone looking for something absorbent when a cup of coffee has been spilled. The fact that there is an emotional void there is telling, and definitely at the root of many of my difficulties connecting with other people, particularly women. Help is so close, yet so far away, and it's my own decision, not the unwillingness of others to help, that's denying it. And I know, at least at this point, that I won't change my mind.

Comments

[austingoddess.livejournal.com]

*offered hugs*

[errantember.livejournal.com]

Thanks!