errantember

...so I went out clubbing tonight (baby seals shall fear me!), and not only did I introduce or re-introduce myself to several people I really like just because I wanted to, but I actually ended up getting the phone number of a married woman while her husband was sitting right next to us, neither of whom had never been to the club before. I'm amazed and grateful that recent changes in my life have made such things possible.

In about the past year I've finally gotten comfortable enough with my own identity and sexuality to be able to share it in public in a healthy way. The Flipside (though perhaps not the Fall from Grace) is the ability to enjoy other people's sexuality and energy in a way that's mutually beneficial and respectful of the other party's boundaries. The result is that I'm suddenly surrounded with happily sexy people, many of whom seem to like and to be attracted to me.

This is a fairly large change. :)

Thinking back, I think there were two big things that got me around the bend. One was the realization that my own sexuality was a positive thing with inherent value that other people could either choose to like or not to like, and that this was a characteristic that everybody had. The second was realizing that a lot of my anxiety about interacting with other people wasn't because I was afraid of their reaction, but because I was afraid of my *own* motivations and potential actions. One day I thought: "Am I actually going to *do* something that *I* don't approve of? When I always have a choice? "

Well..........

No.

It's funny how something so obvious can a) take so long to manifest itself and b) can induce such a profound change.
It's not until being on the other side of the fence that I can look back and realize how much my own shame about my sexuality (it's such a sex-negative culture) and my own anxieties about how the only person I have control over might act were blocking all this positive energy flow around me.

Yet another example of how all the things one really needs for fulfillment are inside.